June 1st, 2010

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It’s simple to ignore your feelings and not say anything to the person you feel so much for.

You can deny personally but your actions always show how you feel.

You smile a little more, You engage a little more, You go out your way a little more.

You talk and you were turned down timeless amounts of time for this reason or that. You are
smart though and you know when someone is interested or not.

You talk about other women to play it off and see the person’s mannerism’s change but they
don’t like you.

You try your best to ignore the fact they are talking to other people but it still eats you alive.

You are somewhat so taken and unsure when usually you know. You know that you need to
move on, but you can’t. You know you need to smile and not push and so you don’t. You are
stuck with giving and not getting because you don’t want to rock the boat.

While getting ready to go out they look at you and you look back and it’s the moment. “I want to
tell you how much I care for you. I don’t like the idea of you and other people. I know my mind is
telling me know but my heart is telling me yes. I can’t help but want to kiss you and hold you and
be there for you. I keep hearing no from your lips but feeling yes from your spirit.”

They turn to you and simply say this can’t and won’t happen. You and I can’t be, I won’t let it be.
I won’t allow myself to care for you more than a friend. I won’t allow you to care for me more
than a friend.

So what am I to do? Just sit around and watch you go on dates? Am I suppose to just knowingly
ignore my feelings and move on?

So what am I to do when I do get over and you come looking for the attention I use to give?

What are you going to do when I have cut those feelings off and have finally become
complacent with I can’t be your friend because this is an endless circle that just allows you to
hide and open to someone else but expect me to okay with the rejection when you share these
same common feelings.

Don’t you get it. Everyone see’s it when we ware together. You can’t hide your feelings for that
long. You can’t just play with fire and hope not to get burned. I would give my world to make you
happy. But I can’t loose my world for your ignorance of who we are. We are not friends. We are
in some screwed up way connected spiritually and our forces are pulled together and you reject
it because you can’t handle a real emotional connection.

Strangely neither can I but I am willing to try because I enjoy how I am when we are just who we
are. I love it when you and I are able to pull down the walls and just be and connect and have
fun. But again when you see it and know it you pull from it. You go back into hiding because you
rather envision me to be your friend instead of realizing we have something so there, but you
rather turn your back.

So I say to you “What am I to do? What am I to say?” If I walk away and ignore you, then we get
stuck with why am I not talking? If I try to play nice I have to deal with that you still want your
cake and eat it too. You want to enjoy that I treat you better than any man probably every has
but I still have to keep my guard up because I do not want to push you in the wrong direction.

Am I to confess what you and I already know but we both don’t speak about it because it’s
taboo. Magically we have been drawn back and forth for a long time and it’s not because of
convenience, it’s because there is something there. While I might have ignored it in the begging

I opened my mind to life and allowing life to take place and let it unfold where it may.
It’s the laws of attraction if you care for something a lot you let it go and it will always find itself
back to you. Somehow we kept coming back but you refuse to see it and just allow it this to not
only happen but experience the full enjoyment of having someone care for you with no strings
just you.

You are your own worst detractor and while you fight with yourself about feelings for me, You
are only making it worse for yourself when I walk. Because after this long road I am walking and
we can’t be friends because there are too many feelings. So to you have I have to walk around
numb and cold and not allow myself to engage you on any level anymore.

So here I am stuck WANTING WHAT I CAN’T HAVE…..


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